If I Could
by WitlessTheSmall
Summary: JAYX WILLOW
1. Chapter 1

**AN:(Sorry if some things don't line up I'm only on Dark River XD, I get spoilers via YouTube. I don't own YouTube or warriors).**

Willowshine's POV

I blink open my eyes. Outside the medicine cat den is dark but I can tell its near dawn. Mothwing is curled beside me. I stretch my limbs out and leave the den behind me. I skirt the edge of the camp and exit, and depart further away. I let my paws lead me to a hill, and my eyes glide to the moon. It sits steady in the sky. It is a half-moon today; I will be traveling to Moonpool. I turn and scan for what I really came for, and A carefully nibble at the marigold.

Jayfeather's POV

I awake to the stiff coldness that follows a dream. Everything dark, no more colors, no more sight. I keep my eyes pressed closed. Maybe if I keep them closed I'll be able to pretend I can see, not just in my dreams, but all the time. "Jayfeather" It my brother's voice. My eyes pop open and it over. "Yes?" I reply groggier than I would have wished. "I have a thorn in my pad", "Let me see". I walk over still I can hear my brother's breath, then I examine his paw till I feel the thorn and I pull it out. I pit a poultice on it, "Come back tomorrow so I can make sure it's not infected." "Okay thank you Jayfeather." He leaves. I slump back down into my nest, my head aches and my stomach turns. I cold I think, I chew some herbs and lie down again, the trip to Moonpool seems like a journey.

Willowshine's POV

I follow Mothwing and the crowd of medicine cats. The only cat further back than me is Jayfeather. "Come on slow poke" He raised his sightless eyes and lowers them again. Something was wrong, we are talking about Jayfeather, he should have retorted with extra venom. I slow my pace match his, his tail drags on the ground, and his narrow shoulders slump. I may loathe Jayfeather but sometimes I can't help but feel bad for him. "Hey, you okay?" I ask. "Oh, yeah I'm fine just a little tired' His head shoots down again. REALLY? No "of course I am Fishfur!" I study him. He looks tired and ill.

Jayfeather's POV

My head pounds, it feels like someone is biting my stomach and lungs. It must be showing because Willowshine asked if I was okay. I know she had friendly intentions but it was kind of nosey. I didn't bother with an insult; I could think with my head pounding. I tried to quicken my pace but I couldn't breathe so I slowed again. Finally Moonpool comes into sight. It is a relief to lie down. I lap up the water and let myself be engulfed by a dream.

THE NEXT DAY: SUNHIGH

Willowshine's POV

I roll over in the sun, it warms my pelt, I try to fade into a dream but it doesn't come. The image of Jayfeather last night keeps flashing in my head, his hollow pale blue eyes, his dragging tail, and unkempt pelt. I didn't even like Jayfeather, he'd be fine. Then why was I so worried?

Jayfeather's POV

"JAYFEATHER!" the hiss came only moments before the cuff over the ear. I moan and roll over. "You can't go and get whitecough in the middle of Greenleaf! Especially when you're the only medicine cat!" Leafpool hissed. I groan and my tail around me. "Here!" she shoves some bitter smelling herbs in my face. I open my jaws and chew. I forgot how bitter some herbs are and I choke. "If you want to get well then swallow!" Leafpool says sternly.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Time: sunhigh**

**Setting: River clan camp**

**Willowshine's POV**

I check over the herbs quietly, it seems we have enough of everything. The blazing heat makes me wish my pelt was shorter. Not one cat has come in for a while and boredom is perched on my shoulder. "Mothwing?" I speak to my mentor without turning. "Yes Willowshine?" she replies. "Can I leave camp?" I ask this time turning to face her. "Willowshine, you are a grown cat, do as you like; but why would you even want to leave? It's steaming out there." I sigh, "A swim" I say and swish my tail. "Alright, go on" She turns and moves to the back of the den. A short walk later I arrive at my destination. Water wraps around my paws. I wade further in and the water tugs at ye pelt. I let my head slip under. The water is warm and doesn't fully cool me off. I continue to hold my ball of air as I look up at the sparking surface. I run my paws over the satin sand floor. I push of gently and lift above the surface. I pull in breaths of hot, muggy air. I slip under once again, letting the water hold my body in weightlessness.

**Time: mid afternoon**

**Setting: Thunder clan camp**

**Jayfeather's POV**

I lift my head slowly, carefully. I sniff deeply, Leafpool is gone. I drag myself to my paws, and stretch. My whitecough is already begun to reseed but Leafpool still worried on. Heat pricks my pelt and wraps around me. The humid air makes me sputter and cough. A notice the scent of mouse nearby and locate the prey. I'm not hungry but Leafpool had put it there for a reason. I lie down with the meal.

Leafpool returns not long after I finish, and asks the same old question "Are you better yet?" She eyes me. "Yus mum, shipe shape!" I joke. "No but I seriously feel better." I say flicking my tail. "If you can pass the test, then I'll believe you." She stares at me unflinchingly. "Test?" I ask questioningly. She thrusts her forepaw into my chest; I erupt into a coughing fit.

"What was that for" I hiss still sputtering. "You failed the test" she says. "I kinda figured!" I say hotly. Leafpool shrugged, you said you were better, it's not my fault. "It would have hurt either way!" I hiss. "If you were healthy you would've gasped. I groan and lie down again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Time: Moonhigh**

**Setting: The Island**

**Willowshine's POV**

I sink my claws into bark of the tree bridge. I may be able to swim if I did fall, but I still don't trust its reliability. I feel my paws hit grass and heave a sigh of relief. I group up with my clan and follow Mistystar to the heart of the island.

I let my eyes scan the clearing. I spy my target. Jayfeather is sitting near the Littlecloud and Kestrelflight; who are busy chatting away. He however, keeping to his introverted ways, is sitting alone.

I feel a ball of anxiety welled up in my chest float away. Wait! What did I care if he was here?

"Are you okay" Mothwing asks.

It was only then I realized my fur was puffed out stupidly, my tail fluffed out and my fur sticking in odd clumps.

"Um, yeah fine" I say, heat spreading over my face in a wave.

She shrugs and begins to trot toward the others. I run my tongue through my pelt quickly before racing after her.

**Time: Moonhigh**

**Setting: The Island**

**Jayfeather's POV**

"Hello Mothwing, Willowshine"

Both she-cats return the greeting. The scent of herbs and fish twists into my nose. Such a sweet

smell. Something flutters in my chest like a thrush. NO! I pin it down, and give a fatal bite; but it flutters

up again happily.

My heart pounds, my ears burn. A chill dances down my spine.

"Jayfeather are you okay?"

I can hear her breathing. My heart races, my legs tremble, my stomach turns. I clear the lump in my throat. "I'm f-fine" I whisper

My mind is spinning. I can't breathe, I can't think.

"Windclan will speak first" comes the booming meow.

I slip further away from the others. I let everyone's sound go silent and float into my thoughts. I've seen her in my dreams before, her dark tabby pelt, her dazzling blue eyes.

She was a good friend. Wait? We were NOT friends. I hated her. Didn't I?

I shake my head. My clan was leaving. I get to my paws. I can hear paws on earth all around me

with the familiar scent of Thunderclan. For the first time tonight I feel calm. I let my mind go blank,

letting my paws lead me back to camp. I stumble toward my den. The scent of herbs hits me like a wall. I plop into my mossy nest happily. The humidity presses in on me as my conscious fades. I let my

eyes close lightly.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Time: Sunhigh**

**Setting: River clan camp**

**Willowshine's POV**

I busily sort mallow into its proper nook. Mothwing herself is quite busy, flinging herbs left and right to their homes.

We had spent all day yesterday gathering the herbs we were low on. We had left a massive pile of unsorted herbs, now today we tidy them up.

My mind drifts away on the wind as I get lost in my task. I find a picture of Jayfeather in my mind. His mangy grey pelt, his ragged hooked claws, but what about his brilliant blue eyes or his delicate pink nose, the way he holds himself high.

I shake by head clearing my thoughts.

Mothwing looks at me "Are you okay?"

"Yes fine, why?" I ask shuffling my paws.

"You've been staring at that wall for a long time, making odd faces"

Hot embarrassment seeps through my pelt. Heat spreads over my ears. "Err, sorry Mothwing" I stammer.

She nods and continues her work.

**Time: Sunhigh**

**Setting: Thunder clan camp**

**Jayfeather's POV**

I sit in my den, my tail wrapped around my paws. I'm trying hard to focus on my thoughts, but my mind is cluttered.

I feel a pelt brush mine, and I gasp and flinch in surprise.

I hear a chuckle, followed by my brother's scent hitting me. "Don't do that" I hiss my tail puffed out.

"Why so jumpy anyway" he asks genuinely concerned.

"I'm not a kit, you just surprised me" My voice squeaks, I hate lying to my kin.

I feel his amber gaze burn through my pelt. He's my brother, he knows I'm lying. He's just waiting for me to admit it.

I stand firm my jaw clenched. He won't get a confession. What could he do for me anyway? But my insides turn anyways.

"Why are you still here?" I grumble, annoyed.

I hear him stand and trot away, lingering for a moment before he exits the den.

Frustration tears through my pelt. I unsheathe my claws and pull them through the floor. Hot rage bubbles up inside me. I stand and crawl from the den.

Delicate rain drops disappear into my pelt. I trot out of camp and break into a run. My claws dig into the forest floor as I quicken my pace into a full out sprint. I hear the whizzing of trees as I fly past them on wings of rage. I can feel the Wind Clan blood coursing through my veins. It pounds inside me and carries me forward.

Suddenly, I feel my body swing into a tree. The bark rips at my pelt like needle sharp teeth, and I let out a yelp.

Then my legs crumple beneath me. I collapse to the ground. Coldness engulfs me despite the searing heat. Salty tears roll down my cheeks and into the forest floor. I lift my head to the sky. "Star Clan… please, help me" I whisper.

A cold silence follows. Like being plunged under freezing water. Then an anger clap of thunder.

An enormous wall of pain and fear strikes me like lightning.

I let out a scream, the kind that comes from a cat's soul itself. I sink back down to the ground and let my consciousness fade.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Time: Evening**

**Setting: River Clan camp**

**Willowshine's POV**

My paws ache from the day's work. I drag myself to the fresh kill pile. A plump silver fish catches my attention. I grasp it along with a water vole for Mothwing.

I find my mentor busily rummaging about some herbs in the back of the den. She looks up as I enter the den and smiles as she spots the prey.

I run over my pelt after finish the fish. The flavor still lingers on my tongue as I smooth down the or along my spine.

I blink groggily, normally I would stay awake longer but I'm unusually tired. I plop heavily into my nest. I focus on what I may have to do tomorrow and heading to Moonpool in a couple sunrises. The thought of Jayfeather floats in my mind. I will see him soon. But I don't care I convince myself. I sigh and pull my tail tightly around my nose.

I must have lied there for a long time because I hear a plop as Mothwing lies down. I let my eyes flutter open just a moment.

The camp is silent and a thick crescent moon floats in the sky. The image burns itself into my head as I fall asleep.

**Time: Night (before Moonhigh)**

**Setting: Thunder Clan camp**

**Jayfeather's POV**

I blink hard. I lift my head up slowly and pull myself to my paws. I begin walking stiffly towards camp. I travel slowly and calmly.

I sit in my den resting my paws for a moment. I hear the sound of paws entering my den and I lift my head.

"This is an intervention" my brother's voice is shaky and fear comes off him and waves.

"You sound like a mouse-brained idiot" I snarl.

"Where were you? You disappeared and no one knew where you had gone" He sounded slightly annoyed.

"I went to gather herbs! Do I need permission to leave camp now?" I hiss. Guilt burning in my chest.

"In the brambles?" I feel his tail run over a thick scratch across my forehead. I flinch away.

"It doesn't matter?" I grumble turning away.

"Because I'm your brother. Jayfeather, something is bothering you. Why are you lying to me?"

"I-I, I mean, it's just, it's just…" I stammer slinking backward. Tears burn as they roll down my face. I feel as if someone has lit me on fire and it burns through my pelt.

Lionblaze runs his tail down my shoulder as I sit a weep like an injured kit.

After a long silence Lionblaze pauses and turns to me.

"Jayfeather, what is bothering you?"

A shudder passes through we like a gust of Leaf bare wind. I take in a deep breath. My entire body trembles in anxiety. "I-I'm in love…"


	6. Chapter 6

**AN :( IMMA ANIMATE THIS ON YOUTUBE! I already have the dialogue between Jay and Lion animated for a teaser [ watch?v=Ysdi0Tbcnc8] TOTAL FAIL I drank caffeinated pop before writing this, partly explaining Willowshine's elated mood…)**

**Chapter 6**

**Time: Moonhigh**

**Setting: Near Moonpool**

**Willowshine's POV**

I trot beside Mothwing over open land. My paws float lightly over tuft of spring moorland grass. A brown splotch on the horizon catches my attention.

Excitement skips and leaps within me. I sprint forward letting my legs fly. The night air blows throw my fur. I close my eyes and take in the experience.

I open my eyes to a wide-eyed Kestrelflight several tail lengths before me. I slam my forepaws downward, causing me to roll to the side into the grass.

I quickly stop myself and let myself sprawl out into the grass.

"Someone's excited" Kestrelflight lets out a mrrw of laughter.

"Sorry!" my ears grow hot with embarrassment. I turn my head to see a fuming Mothwing racing towards me.

Kestrelflight gives me a look that says _Sorry and good luck! _Before he trots away.

"What are you, four moons old? If you act like that again I'll start treating you like it!" She hisses, before storming off.

**Time: Moonhigh**

**Setting: Near Moonpool**

**Jayfeather's POV**

I sit lost in thought waiting for the other medicine cats. "So… How are things in Thunder Clan" Littlecloud asks casually. I don't feel like talking now, but I don't want to be rude.

"Fine, Shadow Clan?" I ask. After that I accidently let the rest of his words fall to space but luckily I catch the end.

"You know what I mean?" I nod vigorously hoping that I didn't just agree that Thunder Clan were a bunch of prey stealers.

"They're here!" Littlecloud mews. I hear his paws pass me to greet the others. I heave myself to my paws to follow him.

"Hey Jayfeather" Willowshine meows.

"Err, hi" I mumble.

"What happened to your face, I could feel her blue gaze land on my scratches.

_Alright, don't over think it. It's just casual talk._ Though telling her I crashed into a tree like a total mouse-brain didn't exactly appeal.

"I uh, fought a badger."

The giggle that followed told me I had said the wrong thing to say.

"You're funny"

Heat spreads across my face.

"Better catch up" I spin quickly and race to were the other medicine cats are. I hear the scuffle of paw as Willowshine follows.

I let my paw slide over cool stone. I lap up the bonne chilling water held by Moonpool. The stone below me fades and falls. I can't see a thing and anxiety engulfs me. I shake it away; it's probably just dark in the dream.

I feel a sturdy paws catch my chest and throw me to the ground. "Let me go!" I hiss, flailing my paws around, franticly searching for a point of contact. I strong sheathed cuff hits me ear before releasing me.

"Mouse brain!" It Yellowfang's voice.

"I'm the mouse brain! What kind of greeting was that?" I hiss. "Where are we anyway?"

"Star clan where else" She grumbles.

"Then why is it so dark?" I flick my ears in annoyance.

"It's not" she mews cool.

Suddenly bright light spreads everywhere and I blink hardly at the sudden light. I notice Bluestar lingering near bye.

"What was that?" I hiss in surprise.

Yellowfang narrows her eyes "What happens to Jayfeathers who break the warrior code"

"I haven't done anything" shock and fear coating my voice.

"Really?" she growled.

She straightened her posture and fluffed out her tail. "Oh hi Jayfeather, it's me Willowshine" then she pushed her flat snout towards me and batted her eyelashes.

I let a hiss of annoyance. "So what we're friends" I shrug. Bluestar let a cold stare lie on me. Irritation flared in my pelt. I stare Yellowfang right into her amber orbs. "We all know it's against the warrior code for a medicine cat to have kits" I huff. I whip around and leap to Bluestar returning her cold stare. "And Star Clan forbid, you EVER love a cat from another clan. I push closer baring my teeth. "Especially River Clan filth" I spit.

I rip away and force my stare to the ground, anger brewing in me from nose to tail tip.

Star Clan's forest fades slowly as darkness takes its place.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**[AN: Home sick today, heavily inspired for this story : D Sorry for the bit of OOC**

**AND GUYS** **I HAVE CHAPTER ONE ANIMATED watch?v=euENRR6UxZo]**

Time: Dawn

Setting: Near Moonpool

Jayfeather's POV

I whip my head up forcing my paws beneath me. I can hear the scuffling sounds of the other medicine cat's rising. I don't hesitate to wait for them even a moment. I start into a sprint, letting my muscles release my frustration. It only takes a little while to run quite a distance. I slacken my pace; I can tell I've reached the cover of Thunder clan's trees by a dew drop falling from the leaves above onto my tail. The smells and the sounds comfort me, allowing the last bits of frustration ebb and fade away. I enjoy the feeling of the forest, as a walk towards camp.

The dawn sun warms my back as I enter camp. I slink towards my den, barely lifting my feet as I slither like an adder. I'm about halfway there when I hear a voice, "Jayfeather." My ears flatten, everything inside me tells me to bolt forward. "Yes, Lionblaze?" I hiss through gritted teeth.

It had been in the heat of the moment I had let my secret slip. Ever since Lionblaze has been pestering me for the she-cat's name. He used every mind trick and tactic under Silverpelt to get me to spill.

I could feel Lionblaze's breath on my ear. It took every bit of self-control under my grey pelt to not straight out swat my over protective littermate. "I know who she is." He whispers.

His comment catches my off guard. "No you don't!" I whisper-shout, panic seeping into my voice like rain seeping into parched soil. Lionblaze stared at me; this had to be a mind trick. "Who is it then?" I jeer, angry that my brother would stoop to such a level. Lionblaze gave me a cold stare; he knew that I knew this was a mind trick. His tail flicked in annoyance. "Tell me!" he hissed. "What are you a kit?! It's my life not yours! Just because you're my brother doesn't mean you have to know every corner of my life!" I turn away, fury brewing within me. "It does if it puts you in danger! Jayfeather this is dangerous! I don't want you to end up like Leafpool!"

I swing my unsheathed claws at Lionblaze's face. I can tell he dodges because my paw hits nothing but open air. I turn around and race toward my den, every one of the hairs on my pelt on end.

Time: Dawn

Setting: Halfway between RiverClan and Moonpool

Willowshine's POV

I walk beside Mothwing in the grey light of dawn. Mist buffets of the lake creating an eerie illusion. The moister clings to my pelt and flattens it to my fur. Being greenleaf the water is warm, so I don't mind. The slick pebbles along this side of the lake, slide under my paws.

Mothwing begins to trot and I match her pace. It doesn't take long for us to reach our territory, then our camp. I slide into my nest, my paws ache and it feels good to be home.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**(A/N: Chapter 8 and the action hasn't even started yet! Am I moving to slow?)**

Time: Midday

Setting: ThunderClan Camp

Jayfeather's POV

I lie in the shade of my den, my tail flicks left and right. I catch Briarlight's sent as she emerges from the elder's den. It saddens me. I had offered the she-cat to take the place as my apprentice, but she had declined. She dragged herself toward the camp entrance.

I sat up, Lionblaze would be returning from a hunting patrol soon. The two of us have been avoiding each other since out argument. He's angry and upset that I won't tell him my secret, he keeps persisting which annoys me. I haven't even done anything wrong and its tearing me apart. I walk toward the entrance, and into the forest. I trot lightly through woodland. Despite the fact it's warm; the breeze carries the scent of leaf fall. My limbs move loosely and I cover ground faster than expected. My paws soon brush over the loose pebbles that collect at the edge of the lake. I lie down and breathe in the crisp air.

I flick my ears, I long to stretch my legs. I pull to myself to my feet, and walk forward.

Staying close to the shore, I skirt the edge of the lake in a brisk trot. May as well, I didn't have anything better to do. Plus, there was a smaller chance of me running into Lionblaze. A cool mist turns into a light rain. I large raindrop lands between my shoulder blades, then on my flank; but I've reached my destination. I take a step onto the log bridge, sinking my claws into its bark. I hop forward quickly and leap to the other side.

The soft grass makes squishing noise as I pad across it. It doesn't take long, for me to reach the other side. I stretch and let my forepaws lie over the edge. The lapping of the water whispers several fox lengths below. I lower my head onto the moist grass and listen to the sounds of the lake. The rain has stopped leaving a glittering sun to warm my pelt. My eyelids droop. I've been stressed lately and taking a short nap sounds pleasant.

Much to my surprise as I was dozing off I caught a voice in my ear. I flinched in surprise turning around. My nose twitched a moment trying to catch the scent, it sauntered into my nose.

Time: Midday

Setting: The Island

Willowshine's POV

I can make out the grey tom from across the island. He swivels his head a locks his eyes on me. I trot over to him; "What are you doing here" he asks, his voice isn't hostile more confused.

"I sometimes come here to think." I respond nonchalantly, "but the island is near River Clan's camp. What bring you over here?"

Jayfeather pauses a moment, he twitches his whiskers slightly, "I'm not exactly sure, just hanging around I guess."

I sit down and stare out across the lake. Charcoal grey clouds sit in soft heaps, floating lazily on the horizon. Thin rays of golden sun peek from behind a thin strand of cloud. The rest of the sky is a dull blue. The two of us sit silently looking over the water, Jayfeather's eyes stay locked on the shore of Thunder Clan even though he couldn't see it. I genuinely wonder what he is thinking of.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Time: Midday

Setting: The Island

Willowshine's POV

I flick me tail, "I should really be getting back." It was past sun-high and I was afraid Mothwing would be missing me.

Jayfeather nodded and scrambled to his paws. Neither of us had said anything, just watched the clouds drift across the sky. I trot across the log with ease and begin to sprint toward shore; it was odd to have another cat in the place I used for deep-thinking. I shrug it off, it didn't matter, plus it was rather nice to not be alone. I turn from sight of the island, and stop. I needed something to bring back to camp. I toss in my head whether to hunt or grab herbs.

Suddenly I hear a patrol coming. I have an odd fearful feeling that they can't see me. I leap for a clump of reeds and hold my breath. The patrol appears from cover, semi-near my hiding place. "I thought I heard something?" Curlpaw mused, confused. I thick reed blocked my vision from the rest of the patrol but one of them suggested moving on.

As soon as the patrol disappears I crawl from the reeds. A chilling feeling slips down my spine. Why was I hiding from my own clan?

Time: Midday

Setting: Thunder Clan's camp

Jayfeather's POV

I grab mouse from the fresh kill. I hadn't eaten since this morning and hungry clawed my stomach. I can feel Lionblaze's eyes follow me till I plop down outside my den. I can hear Lionblaze walk up to me. "Where were you all morning" he asks.

"Meeting with Heatherpaw in the middle of the night, you?" I reply sarcastically, I'm sick and tired of Lionblaze interrogating me like some unruly rogue. I hear him sheath and unsheathe his claws, irritation pounds of him.

"I'm serious! Answer the question!" He growl-hisses in a low voice, stepping closer.

"On the shore of the lake." I say, it wasn't a lie I WAS on the shore.

"Really? My patrol stopped there to hunt, we didn't see you." He almost purrs in satisfaction of catching my mistake.

I swear under my breath. Why hadn't I said somewhere Lionblaze's patrol hadn't come near? Anywhere!

Lionblaze flattens his ears. "Tell the truth!"

I know Lionblaze is trying to protect me but I'm not doing anything wrong! Why couldn't he leave me be? What made him think he was wiser? "Stop!" I growl.

Come on Jayfeather!" He hisses slightly louder. I can feel a few pairs of eyes locked on us. It feels as if someone has set my ears on fire. I lower my body, waving my tail back and forth.

"Jayfeather…"

"Shut up!" I hiss, now I can feel every pair of eyes on us, but I don't care. "Leave me alone!" I can feel every pair of eyes lock onto me as I leave camp.


End file.
